Semen Stains – Prevention and Cleaning :D

Disclaimer 1 : Ewww Post alert

Disclaimer 2 : This Post is strictly intended for male use only and completely written in the spirit of humor. The females reading this post are warned in advance not to read this post in their own interest (unless they wanna do a lot of Yukk… while reading). If you have nothing good to do, you can always go to the link given below and watch/re-watch some of your favorite movies -

Top 10 Chick Flicks (The captions says 10 films that drive women to the theaters and drive men crazy )

Ok, now lets get to the point. The stuff that I am going to write in this post is something that you never discussed with your parents nor they ever gave you any advices regarding this . Stains are easier to make than get rid of, especially when they come from receiving pleasure . No matter how many times you vow to be careful every time to want to have a good time, you still can’t avoid staining your stuff. It helps to know how to get rid of semen stains because these are the kinds of stain you don’t want your mother or your बाई to clean for you (unless you are Shiney Ahuja and are leaving them intentionally).

Preventing the stains can’t be as exciting as the activities that causes them but then you have to clean them up (unless you like them). Some of the preventive measures are -

1. Masturbating inside the bathroom is more ideal because water is accessible in that part of the house. You can simply wash your tool and let your semen go down the drain. Besides, I have heard that the shower orgasms are the more adventurous and mind-blowing. So either way, Problem Solved !!!

2. Cleaning your underwear using your blankets, pillowcases, worn clothes and towels will only make the situation worse. Instead of removing semen stain only from the underwear, you will also have to clean up the items you used to wipe the gunk. Don’t spread the semen stain.

3. Always have a tissue within reach whenever you are fondling yourself.

4. Either have a sex worker/porn star as a partner or make your partner more sensitive about this stuff. That way they can swallow it in if you are up for some oral sex as well. On a different but related note, I have always wondered some of things about the Porn Stars -

• I wonder if porn stars with eating disorders ever factor in the calories in the semen that they ingest.
• I wonder how many calories are in a typical amount of semen.
• I wonder if there’s such a thing as a “typical amount of semen”.
• I wonder if you’re on Weight Watchers and you’re having a lot of unprotected sex if that counts as “a protein”.
• I wonder why I’m wondering so much about semen.
• I wonder if other people wonder about this stuff too.
• I wonder what’s wrong with me !!!!!!

Anyways, lets not digress. The final method is what I call a ‘Killer One’ and use Japanese Techo Expertise.

5. Some people like to masturbate with a vacuum cleaner. This baffling video will explain this in detail.

WARNING : Once you see this video, you can’t just un-see it and you will send this to everyone that you know. So, proceed with caution.

Seriously, WTF Japan !!!!!! They most certainly can use their technical excellence to better use.

So, what if even after all the precautions you have got stains? Here’s how you can remove them -

1. A professional can always do it for you. If you can’t handle your own stains, have someone dry clean your garments. In India, no one seem to mind cleaning others shit as long as they are getting paid.

2. Presenting ‘नया’ Tide चौक गए !!! I think this is the most commonly used method when it comes to cleaning Stains. You can always use a Soap in case you believe in the protection of environment bullshit.

3. I did some google to get more ideas (I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing right now ). Anyways, it seems that you can also use Boric acid and Vinegar.  Help yourself.

Sexual pleasure is not something you should be ashamed of since it comes naturally, but indelible semen stains on your sheets are another thing. They are very unsightly and mortifying. Follow these tips to get rid of semen stains, and say goodbye to the embarrassment of having other people see your sticky smudges.

P.S. – As a society, we believe in not talking about these sort of stuffs so I completely understand the risks of being frowned upon due to this post, but who gives a fuck

P.P.S. – Thanks to all the friends who missed my blogs. I didn’t knew that so many people actually missed it

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